Imagine a relationship where you feel valued, safe, connected, autonomous and in each other’s care.
Transform the culture of your partnership - become a two-person system with shared values and goals where you are seen and heard.
Learn one another’s emotional allergies so you can experience support and safety when in distress.
Replace compromise with win/win.
Couple therapy at Held is the right fit for you if you experience:
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Communication challenges
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Betrayal (sexual/emotional/financial)
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Loneliness in your relationship/isolation as a couple
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Hitting the same arguments over and over
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Intimacy/Sexual challenges
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Different parenting philosophies
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Blended family/ex-partner challenges
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Stresses around financial agreements
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Separation through distance/work
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Feeling second to your partner’s family/job/addiction
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Power/Financial/Labour imbalance
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Feeling trapped
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Heading in different directions
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Manipulation/Gaslighting
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Aggression/Violence
Perhaps you have tried:
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Agreements that didn't hold
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Retreats, workshops and books
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Trial Separation
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Making bids for repair/connection, only to be ignored
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Couple therapy/mediation that still leaves something unfinished
Through working with a Held practitioner, you will move towards experiencing a relationship where:
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You feel valued, seen and understood
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You feel equal to your partner
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You experience your partner really having your back
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You know true partnership
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You are free to be fully you whilst in partnership
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You feel safe to connect with and express your sexuality
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You put each other first
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There is a culture of justice, fairness and sensitivity
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You know that your partner’s behaviour is neither intentional nor personal
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You skilfully manage ‘thirds’ (kids, work, in-laws)
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You are available to each other physically and emotionally
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You have agreements in advance of challenges to support you through them
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You learn how to manage the other
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You become interdependent - not to be confused with co-dependent
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You learn how to create a win/win instead of a compromise
How is this different?
At Held we use the very latest neuroscience, attachment theory, nervous system understanding, trauma knowledge and psychobiology to combine a unique blend where, in addition to giving ‘tools’, we support you to shift your physiological response to one another and shift the culture of your two person system.
With the expertise of a Held practitioner, you will rebuild your relationship from the ground up, healing wounds and defining your purpose and vision as a couple. You will structure agreements that put guardrails on the relationship so you can stop tripping each other up. You will live in a system built on fairness, justice and sensitivity.
Meet Your Practitioners
When we did our own work, both individually and as a couple, we experienced a big change in how we experience ourselves in the world and in all our relationships.
We started Held because of that transformation and wanting to support others to experience their version of it - whether that be individually or together as a couple. We consistently witness the change in others and are excited to have created something completely unique that involved merging our skills, experience and expertise.
We don’t claim to have it all sussed and definitely don’t have a life without challenges but we have experienced significant and sustained improvements in our own lives and consistently see this with our clients.
Simon
I was raised near London and my first career was in the music industry. Managing artists and working with record labels gave me a unique insight into the human condition.
A much-needed stint in rehab set me on the path to recovery from addictive behaviours and substances in 2006. That was to become the catalyst for my exploration and study into the human psyche, our relationships and what our experience of being in the world was about.
I went on to train as a Psychotherapist, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner™, DARe™ practitioner, PACT® couple therapist, NVC mediator and Yoga teacher.
These trainings, coupled with my own experience of depression, addiction, anxiety, eating disorder, toxic relationships and codependency all shape how I work with clients.
I am passionate about working with couples. Relationships can be incredibly rewarding and wonderfully messy and we can trip ourselves up when our stuff gets in the way but to witness couples discovering a new way of being in a relationship where they have each others back and become teammates is an incredible privilege.
I now love to hang out near but not necessarily on some water - enjoying the storms just as much as the sunshine.I am passionate about good quality tea and love a slow, strong yoga class. On any given weekend you may find me knee deep in some kind of tech quandary!
Tui
I was born in Tāmaki-Makaurau (Auckland), Aotearoa (New Zealand) and raised in different parts of both islands. This beautiful and sacred land runs through me whilst I sit in my Pākehā (NZ European) experience. I continue to learn how to be in relationship in a meaningful way with this land and it’s people.
Impacted by the challenges we faced socially and environmentally, I began running incubators around the business of social change but was soon on my own journey navigating and then healing from isolation, anxiety, experiences of depression, unhealthy relationship dynamics and burnout.
I inevitably became drawn to supporting others and trained as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner™ , PACT® practitioner (Pyschobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), DARe™ practitioner, Professional Integral Coach, restorative yoga teacher, NVC mediator and co-founding The Social Experiment, Emerge Institute and The Pākehā Project (Pākehā leaders decolonising themselves).
Witnessing couples connect to this work and transform their relationships is one of the most rewarding experiences. Most couples come with a level of distress that they want relieved. In our work together couples don’t just find relief from pain but also learn to become a thriving two (or more) person team that they are excited to be part of.
Outside of this work, I love being close to nature. That may be in the garden, near expanses of water or in the native bush of Aotearoa. I value close connection with like minded people and collaborating on the next chapter of Held.
What else to expect
No couple is the same. Your Held practitioner will tailor the treatment to your unique needs as a couple. For some, that will mean lots of psycheducation - you may be a couple that needs to know the ‘why’ or the ‘how’ before you buy in. For other couples, they will want more of a bottom-up approach where experiences lead to meaningful and long lasting change.
Some will benefit from taking time to engage in video programs that we offer to support your learning and experience, others will need to address something urgently.
Sessions are longer than the usual one hour slots - we want to see how you are as a couple, to work on things in the space as they come up and that’s unlikely to happen within 60 minutes.
You will know a completely different way of being in a relationship with your partner and yourself.
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Somatic Therapy & Couples Therapy | Somatic Experiencing™ | Trauma & The Autonomic Nervous System | Neuroscience | DARe™ (Dynamic Attachment Repatterning Experience) | PACT™ (Psychobiological approach to couples Therapy).
